Are We Robbing Ourselves of Great Reading Experiences?

Or: Why I read hyped books with high expectations (and then love them boldly).

Hi, friends.

In a recent edition of author/designer/joy expert Ingrid Fetell Lee’s newsletter, The Joyletter, she shared a blog post that really got me thinking.

It’s called “Why High Expectations Are the Secret to Finding More Joy,” and it’s worth the two or three minutes it will take you to read it. (Go ahead! I’ll be here when you get back. 🙂)

Ingrid’s point is that when we expect disappointment, it’s more likely that we’ll be disappointed. If we go into something believing it will be bad, we’re probably going to think it’s bad. Plus, if we’re always telling ourselves that something will probably not be as good as everyone says it is, we get into the habit of holding ourselves back from doing things we might enjoy because we don’t want to feel let down. But if we switch our mindset such that we expect to enjoy things, we’re more likely to allow ourselves to take a chance and then actually enjoy them.

I’ve noticed more and more people potentially sabotaging themselves in this way when it comes to highly anticipated books. For some, the more hyped a book gets, the less likely they are to read it. But that logic just doesn’t hold up. People say this book is good, so you decide not to experience it yourself? The only explanation is that we’re trying to forestall disappointment.

But, y’all … what if the book is good?

Are we robbing ourselves of some of the best books of our lives just because there are tons of publicity dollars being spent on them? Obviously hype doesn’t guarantee quality — there are plenty of duds out there, to say nothing of the way the publishing industry plays it “safe” in its own biased ways — but isn’t there a decent chance that many of the books that publishers are taking big bets on are are actually worth it??

Plus, isn’t it more fun to have a big list of books you’re looking forward to?

Of course, not everyone purposefully avoids them — I don’t — but no matter what, most people will probably wait to read a hyped book until they’ve seen a couple of reviews from people they trust. And that leads me to the other way I’ve noticed readers self-sabotaging their reading lives: being afraid to let themselves actually like a book once they’ve read it.

Bookstagram/booktok/booktube etc absolutely loves to hate a book. That’s partly because the algorithm rewards a hot take. But more often (or maybe more consciously) it’s that nobody wants to look stupid.

I’m just as guilty of this as anyone: You finish a book and think you enjoyed it, but you decide to wait to share your opinion until you’ve read other people’s reviews. Although we may not know we’re asking it, implicit in this decision is the question, “Is it safe to like this book?”

Then let’s say a few of your friends didn’t like the book. Now we think, “Did I miss something? Am I just a dupe for falling for all the publicity money spent on it? Am I not smart enough to understand why this book isn’t actually that good? Will I look dumb for liking it?” And then we allow ourselves to be persuaded that it wasn’t that good, actually, or else we hedge our enjoyment by echoing our friends’ criticisms.

Sometimes it takes courage to openly like a book.

This is something I’m actively working to do more often. First, I’m training myself to pause and try to articulate the reasons I liked a book — usually just into my notes app — before I read other people’s reviews. This is easier said than done if I’m a little late to the party and reviews are all over my timeline, but I do my best. In this way, I force myself to think for myself and not let other people do the thinking for me. And you know what, it’s kind of uncomfortable! But it’s definitely worth it.

Second, I’m working on specifically identifying and naming approaches or plot devices or other characteristics that I almost always like (or don’t like) in books. That way, I can proudly say, “Sure, this book didn’t do X that well, but it’s more important to me when a book does Y, and this one did.”

Maybe a book was slow paced, but you care more about great characters. Or maybe the characters are kind of flat, but the plot hooked you and you couldn’t put it down. Or maybe you’re a sucker for atmospheric writing, even if the dialogue could have been better. Get to know your own tastes and share them boldly; be unashamed to like a book for those reasons alone.

(But also: You don’t need a specific reason to like a book. You don’t have to justify it for others by admitting tradeoffs like this. You are allowed to just like it. You are!)

OK, I’ll get off my soap box now. Just one more plea for all my fellow book reviewers. Let’s make sure we’re giving others the chance to reap the benefits of high expectations, too. Let’s be honest when we liked a book. And if we didn’t, let’s do the work of finding merits when they exist. Let’s admit that while a book may not have been to our taste, it might be to theirs, and why. Let’s make it clear that if someone thinks the book is good, that’s just as valid.

Let’s glory in the joy of books instead of feeding the algorithm with our pitchforks.

It’s just so much more fun that way.

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As always, thanks for sharing your corner of the internet with me! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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— Deedi (she/her)